#E003
He fired my daughter
November 15, 2024
The Story
There were only two finalists to be interviewed, and the stakes were high: Which firm would win the contract to develop a new downtown headquarters building for a nonprofit organization? Both teams were well-qualified, hungry for the work, and had made excellent presentations. But then, right at the end of the second interview, the team’s Senior Partner turned to the nonprofit’s CEO, lowered his voice, and in a very familiar tone, dropped the name of Bob—an important local business leader and a recent client of the firm. The Senior Partner was clearly aware that the CEO knew Bob from her previous job. The Senior Partner slid a card across the table and said, “Just call Bob. He’ll tell you all about the great experience he had working with us.”
It was an unnecessary move; the team’s proposal already listed Bob as a reference. And honestly, it made everyone feel just a bit uncomfortable. After the interview ended and the team had left, the CEO turned to us and said, “What he doesn’t know is that Bob fired my daughter.” The other team ended up winning the project for several reasons, but that awkward moment at the end of the interview certainly didn’t help. It left a bad taste in everyone’s mouth, not just because of the unintended offense to the CEO, but also because of the effect of name-dropping itself.
The Theory
Three Swiss psychologists, who study “impression management,” describe name-dropping as “an indirect self-presentational tactic that asserts social closeness between the person using it and the person whose name they mention.” While much research has focused on the tactic of name-dropping, these psychologists designed a simple experiment to study its effects on the audience. They hired a student to help with the experiment and coached him to casually mention his connection to tennis champion Roger Federer during get-to-know-you conversations with new acquaintances. The result? The 141 student subjects—his new acquaintances—liked him less, perceived him to be less competent, and less “sporty,” despite the fact that he claimed to have played tennis with Federer. More importantly, the subjects immediately recognized the tactic as manipulative, reinforcing their negative impressions of him. The psychologists concluded that name-dropping as a self-presentation tactic often backfires—just as it did for our Senior Partner. [1]
What Really Happened
In a competitive selection process, it can be tough to gain an advantage, so people are often willing to take risks to stand out. Sometimes, those risks pay off. In this case, the stakes were high for everyone involved, and the Senior Partner took a calculated risk by trying to create a closer connection with the CEO by mentioning Bob, a mutual acquaintance. He had clearly done some homework and found out about the connection between the CEO and Bob—but not about Bob firing the CEO’s daughter, which probably would have required more digging. So, he took a chance and had bad luck. Looking back, as a risk-taker, he would probably say, “You win some, you lose some, but you have to take risks.” However, before he went ahead with it, he might have tried a little harder to answer the question, “What does the CEO really think of Bob?”
The Lesson
Name-dropping is a two-edge sword. While it can confer benefits, it’s more likely to damage your credibility. But if you are going to name-drop, make sure you have a good reason, that you genuinely know the person whose name you’re dropping, and that you accurately represent your relationship with them. And if it’s really important, you might want to know what the person you’re talking to thinks of that other person before you drop their name. Better yet, just don’t do it.
“I was only saying to the Queen the other day how I hate name-dropping.”
- Douglas Fairbanks
[1] Lebherz, Carmen, Klaus Jonas, and Barbara Tomljenovic. “Are we known by the company we keep? Effects of name-dropping on first impressions,” in Social Influence, Volume 4, 2009, Issue 1, pages 62-79, Taylor & Francis.